the end

Mom died a little after 4pm on January 29th. I was sitting by her side playing a computer game, but she had been unresponsive for a couple days so I'm not sure if she knew. Every few moments I would look over to check if she was still breathing, as it had become irregular over the previous few days. Sometimes she would stop for a few moments, then start again. I watched her chest but it didn't rise. I sat next to her, put my hand on her chest, took her hand in my other. Her fingers were blue. I don't know why but I took a picture of them. I cried a bit, tried to close her eyelids or her mouth, but she'd become too gaunt and they remained slack. I stepped into the hall of the hospice facility and asked the nurse to come check mom, but she knew what I meant.

Friends and family have come and gone, mom has been cremated, her ashes are still in the plastic box from the crematorium, sitting on the kitchen counter. I've started the estate process, cancelled accounts, transferred assets, taken inventories. It's been two months.

I've learned a lot over those last two months, and this blog was supposed to help others in the same situation, but it might be a while before I can collect my thoughts and turn them into something useful to others. As of right now I'm absolutely useless.